Breaking the silence

Changing attitudes and behaviours needs to be a shared community responsibility to reducing family violence. That was the message at a candlelight vigil marking National Domestic Violence Remembrance Day in Warragul last Wednesday.
It was an evening of reflection, remembrance and standing united against family violence when a large crowd gathered at the West Gippsland Arts Centre.
Community members were challenged to take responsibility and help create behavioural change in an effort to reduce family violence.
Quantum family violence and prevention general manager Leslie Smith said Gippsland municipalities had some of the highest rates of family violence in the state. In Baw Baw Shire, there were 1211 incidents reported to police last year. "We know the real number is higher."
Ms Smith said coming together at the candlelight vigil was an opportunity to break the silence.
She said it was about remembering, honouring and standing in solidarity for "those lives lost, for those who continue to live with the impact and those still finding a way forward."
Ms Smith said there needed to be a shared commitment that "violence in our homes and community will not be excused or accepted."
"It is a community issue that demands awareness, accountability and action. Tonight is not just about reflection, it's about responsibility - changing attitudes or behaviours that enable harm to continue," she said.
Ms Smith said Quantum staff assisted people at the most difficult times of their lives.
"We also witness courage - the courage to reach out, the courage to speak, sometimes for the first time, and the courage to find a way forward."
"Family violence often thrives in silence and can occur for any one of us. Family violence does not discriminate," she said.
Gippsland Centre Against Sexual Assault (GCASA) therapeutic services manager Megan Hardwick said family violence incidents in Baw Baw Shire were consistently higher than the state average.
Ms Hardwick said statistics, including serious assaults and sexual offences, only told part of the story "because so much goes unspoken."
"It is not something that happens elsewhere, it happens here," she said, reminding community members that family violence impacted people living in their streets, shopping where they shopped, or parents at their children's school.
"Family violence is far closer to home than you realise. Yet we walk past it, sit beside it, live alongside it. When a life is lost to violence, the impact does not stop there.
"Family violence is preventable but prevention asks us to look more closely...to manage the behaviours...to not turn away from discomfort. Prevention starts in our every day conversations," she said.
Lifeline chief executive officer Cindy Pullar said "tonight we remember those who have died at the hands of the person who they thought would love and protect them the most."
Ms Pullar said most calls received by Lifeline were from people "overwhelmed by life" including family violence.
She said all calls to Lifeline were anonymous and without judgement.
Ms Pullar said unfortunately the stigma around seeking help continued to exist with victims feeling shame, fear of judgement and fear of consequences for reaching out.
"But, staying in a violent relationship is not a choice. When fear and disempowerment take hold, choice is lost.
"Change sometimes starts with one conversation, when a person speaks up, or a person feels less alone," she said.
Baw Baw Shire councillor Adam Sheehan said the vigil was an opportunity to stand together in solidarity and support.
He said family violence continued to have a devastating impact on individuals and families across Baw Baw Shire with more than 1200 incidents reported last year.
"These are not just numbers, they are your neighbours, your colleagues, your friends and family.
"Everyone deserves to feel safe and we all have a role to play. The candles are a symbol of our commitment to speak out.
"We are an advocate for change and we are committed to peace, courage, survival and dedication to ending violence," he said.
If you or someone you know needs help, in an emergency call 000 or contact Safe Steps on 1800 015 188; gain 24-hour support from 1800 RESPECT - 1800 737 732; or contact Gippsland Centre Against Sexual Assault on 1800 806 292.