by Nicholas Duck
As sports players age it's not uncommon for their bodies to struggle with actions they used to do with ease.
To not be able to trust your body is a tough concept for most to accept. But to not be able to trust your mind is another thing entirely.
That's the reality facing thousands of people globally due to the effects of concussions, and while the conversations around brain injuries in sport have progressed a long way in recent years, one local wants them to be taken even further.

Neerim South's Leigh McDonald suffered what he estimates to be more than 40 concussions over the course of his footy career.
It's left him with what doctors have diagnosed as probable chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE), a brain disorder caused by repetitive head injuries.
Normally CTE can be only diagnosed after death, but Leigh's symptoms are so prevalent that doctors have all but guaranteed it's something he's living with. And now he wants to try and prevent anyone else from going through what he's had to deal with.
Playing senior footy at Churchill from a young age, Leigh says the attitudes surrounding concussion were often blasé at best. He emphasises that being able to continue playing after a hit was often seen as a sign of being tough, and coming off for the rest of a game could be seen as abandoning your team.
"They probably started then without knowing too much, you get the odd hit and you get dizzy," he says.
"Getting a hit back then was something I was proud to do
and then get back up."
Leigh's partner Michelle adds her own perspective, talking about how scary it can be seeing someone experience that kind of trauma.
"I've seen Leigh be concussed and that was very distressing for me because he insisted he go back out on the field," she says.
But while the numerous head knocks he took were often shaken off in the moment, Leigh has been left to count the toll of the numerous blows as he navigates his probable CTE.
Last year was an especially difficult one for Leigh and his family. Having had no history of depression or anxiety, Leigh spiralled, becoming aggravated at the slightest trigger.
Michelle says it was a terrifying time.
"It was just a huge deterioration in his physical and mental wellbeing. From my perspective I felt very alone. I didn't know what to do, I didn't know where to get help. It's a scary thing," she says.
"There were times when he wanted to go somewhere, even for a drive, where I was concerned he would not come home.
"I guess there's a lot of shame in mental health so I didn't really talk to anyone about what was going on. I was probably trying to keep it under wraps to keep things normal."
With GPs unable to tell the couple exactly what was happening, the family had to go to Sydney for a proper diagnosis. Once they finally knew what the problem was, both Leigh and Michelle say it was a comfort.
"It was one of the most relieving conversations I've had," according to Leigh.
While his mental health has improved dramatically thanks to his medication, some of his symptoms are still noticeable. Leigh is able to recall events from years ago with picture perfect clarity, but his short term memory struggles.
Multiple times during our chat he stops mid-sentence to double check what question he's meant to be answering.
It's something he's fully aware of, and even apologetic for, but given his condition it's tough to blame him.
Michelle jokes at one point that when Leigh recalls something from the not-too-distant past, it's "always five years back" no matter when it actually happened.
As Leigh took more and more knocks to the head getting concussed became easier, until his scariest moment in 2004 when, while playing VFL, he suffered from a brain bleed and was wheeled away from a match in an ambulance.
Despite the hits he was taking, however, he rarely missed the next week of footy.
"I never missed a game, I might have missed one or two because the club said you're not playing but most of the time I would play again the next week," he says.
"From there it just got worse. I never went a season again without getting concussed and it was always several times a year."
Now, having lived with the effects of multiple concussions, Leigh is determined to see a cultural shift in the way the issues is handled.
It's a topic becoming all the more relevant today, as seen when Melbourne premiership player Angus Brayshaw was medically forced into premature retirement from the AFL last month.
Even more recently the league has been up in arms following a high hit from St Kilda's Jimmy Webster just over a week ago.
But the moment Leigh became determined to change things came much closer to home.
"My son said not long ago to me, he's 12, that he wants to hurt his head just like his dad. That sort of made us think we need to change the narrative around this and it's not tough to get hit and get back up and go again. We need to make sure there's things in place and we need to rest our head when it happens," Leigh says.
First and foremost is ensuring local sports have someone on call trained to deal with concussion.
"Who's determining if you're concussed or not? No-one. And there's no-one who's actually trained to know if you're concussed," Leigh says.
While all local footy games are required to have someone with first aid training should something go wrong, concussion and how to recognise it as well as treat it are still a grey area.
"Part of that should be a concussion course. I think they need to have some form of an understanding of concussion."
From there it's a matter of three Ps - pathway, process, protocol. Leigh doesn't want to change the game he loves, but he wants people to be better taken care of when they do take a hit to the head. And more than anything, players cannot be allowed to continue playing under the cloud of concussion.
"Because I've been on the other side that's what we need to change."
These days Leigh helps out coaching juniors at Neerim-Neerim South Football Club. It's a role he loves, and making sure juniors are safe is a big motivator for him.
Leigh also plans to run a marathon in Cairns later this year to raise funds for the Concussion Legacy Foundation, an organisation dedicated to providing support to people going through the same journey as the McDonalds.
He will be running in honour of the late Shane Tuck and Gippslander Nick Lowden - two players Leigh knew who died by suicide after battles with concussion.
"Having that motivation there's no way I won't be crossing that line, it's just whether I'm running or crawling."
For now life is about navigating the every day challenges. Leigh and Michelle hope people might see their story and know that living a good life with CTE is possible, and are very open to chatting with anybody and everybody should they need it.
But they're aware that life can be a fragile thing - and the truth is nobody knows what could happen from here.
"This diagnosis is only six months, I still have day to day battles. Every week will provide a day or two where I struggle," Leigh says.
"We're working through what works for our family and right now what drives us is to help people but we've also got to look after ourselves.
"We don't know what the future holds but the way we've changed our lives is to try and let me be the best husband and dad for as long as possible."
To donate to Leigh's marathon scan the QR code.
If this article raises concern support is available at Lifeline 13 11 14 or Beyond Blue 1300 224636.